Not Even Friends

I didn’t even cry.

I mean, would you?

If this was the millionth time,

you’ve been back and forth like a fool?

I was prepared to leave,

I had let him go too,

Until he said, “I only want you.”

He manipulated me into staying,

which in his mind, he was entitled to do.

I was not mad that he took it back.

I was FURIOUS at how he did it.

Cowardly as shit,

until I dared to ask, “Are we finished?”

It was the way he confirmed it,

So flippant, so dismissive.

And the scariest part,

he saw nothing wrong with it.

I didn’t even know who he was.

“Hello? Representative?”

“This is not the man you promised!”

I had never felt so violated.

Dealing with you

ignited so much insecurity in me.

I was suffocating with us

and you just couldn’t see.

I always knew our issue.

You denied it,

But see,

our biggest issue has always been compatibility.

The things you wanted,

The things I said maybe to,

Those things you envisioned for yourself,

were not me

But I liked you.

You called me “My person” just a few days before

and because of your lust, I’m just not anymore?

A few days had passed,

I was still mulling it over in my head.

Still troubled and annoyed by all the things you said.

My mom felt my spirit.

She knew that there had been another end.

She looked at me and asked “not even friends?”

I mean, would you?

With a man who toyed with your emotions, just to be through?

Who said all those things that he didn’t even mean,

but spun it so craftily and now you’re the drama Queen?

I wasn’t perfect.

I fucked up too.

But in the moments when it counted,

I never did that to you.

So, no! not even friends.

Nothing was true.

I never knew the man I was talking to.

 

Xoxo, Love Peace Mascara

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