Yes, it’s not a bright idea but does that mean it hurts less?
I wish it did
Sometimes I sit and I think of all the things I could have done better.
But that’s life.
You can’t fuck everything up without consequences.
You can’t just go back in time and fix things.
I know this.
To be honest, I need to fix myself because that’s where the issue is.
That’s where the issue always was.
I’m jealous of how you are able to keep your composure.
How you can work out of your various compartments,
With such ease.
I wish I could do the same.
I wish it wasn’t such a struggle
every time I speak to you.
Having to choke down my emotions.
Having to be pleasant but failing.
All to Regurgitate the same feelings I’ve left so many times on your plate.
Thinking it helps but it only makes it worse.
For the both of us.
I wish I didn’t want you.
And that makes me a coward you see
Because that would make it easier for me.