As i am writing this, I’m currently sitting on the Killeen airport waiting for my flight back to Dallas. After that, I’ll be heading back to Nashville. I am not too excited about that but that’s for another blog post.
I found a picture on Pinterest and the message spoke to me. (See pic below).
I posted it on Instagram and from all the saves it got, I’m pretty sure it’s relatable. I feel it. I hope one day that can be a reality for me. To finally be with a man who gets it.
I am a single, 27 year old woman who has shitty taste in men. I blame no one else for that but myself. This is the main reason I am single now. I’ve met men who appeared genuine and turned out to be walking embodiments of Satan. I have no discernment but I pray for this everyday.
I have seen the signs though. I have begged for them. Pleaded and made promises to the Lord that I am sure I have broken. I do not trust myself. Always searching for the good in empty ass vessels has left me disheartened. No sir, I do not want to go out with you. No sir, we will not talk about my favorite position because I have no interest in having sex with you. No sir, I do not care what you want to do to me. I have absolutely no interest in anyone right now.
I am honestly tired. Tired to the point that sometimes I am very irritated when men engage me in meaningless conversation. Perhaps, I am jaded. I always felt like such a damn counselor, therapist and wise owl to the men I dated. It was nice at first but it’s been abused.
There were times I’ve said, “Damn, I wish I was the one with all the issues for once or the one who didn’t have her shit together.” It’s like none of them cared. And still, I blame no one else for this but myself. I haven’t forgiven myself.
I do get lonely and sometimes I trick myself into believing that I want something that is simply unattainable. I trick myself into believing that the man I want does not exist. I’m praying he does but the thing is, if he does exist, I am not sure what I could offer him.
Doing all the right things for the wrong people has me not wanting to do anything for anyone. I have gotten so damn lazy. I do not even try. I pray about that too.