Single awareness day be like…
Happy Valentine’s Day Boos!! I hope you all are having a great day. I’m single so all I have are some snacks and a $20 bill that I got from my brother. Forever alone! Just kidding! (No I’m not)…Hey! Any bit of love counts. Today, I randomly found a blog that I started years ago on Blogger called Makini’s World. I had three entries on the blog. The first post was a required class assignment in 2010! Crazy! The others were done in March and April of 2013. They tackled Spring Cleaning and moving on. I know we are in February, but this month is going by so quickly. Spring will be here before we know it. This is why I decided to share with you what I found.
Sometimes reading old writings of mine makes me so uncomfortable but maybe, just maybe, it can help someone. Warning! This is a somewhat long read and also sad. Grab your popcorn and your tissues.
It’s that time of year again. The flowers are in bloom, the bees are buzzing and the birds are chirping. Most importantly the sun is out again and the days of winter seem like distant memories. It is Spring! There is a certain feeling that is associated with Spring. For me, its the promise of a new beginning, budding love or just the feeling of being free. There’s a feeling of unlimited expectations.
The question is what does Spring mean to people who are no longer in a relationship?
Spring presents a chance for the heartbroken to start over and get rid of all the negativity associated with their past relationships. This is something I like to call Spring Cleaning. The real definition of Spring Cleaning is when a person thoroughly cleans their house in the Springtime. This is a term that can definitely be applied to starting over after a failed relationship. How do I start my process of Spring Cleaning? Many of you may be wondering. I’m just going to say that it isn’t a very easy process.
Most times in relationships, we invest a lot of ourselves. This person becomes your right hand, your confidant, your everything but when the relationship ends, we feel like our whole world ends. This is not true. That person is just no longer in your life. That is all it is. The point of Spring Cleaning is to help eliminate triggers that may tempt one to mope, reminisce or in plain terms just not move on with their life.
I remember having the hardest time moving on from one of my past relationships and I know why. We kept in contact, hung out and I kept everything that he gave me while we were together. In other words, I kept all the triggers. This was not a good move on my part. When you break up with someone, they are no longer a part of your life. Well, its ideal that they should not be for a while. How can you move on from someone who is always around? You can’t!
Everyone’s Spring Cleaning is different. I also remember taking advice from my friends but it never really worked for me. Their advice never included cutting my ex off completely. I found myself relapsing all the time. I had to find out what worked for me. I did eventually, but mine was not subtle. I had to eliminate all my triggers. Contact with him was one of the biggest problems. I deleted his number, cut off all contact, threw away everything that he gave me and stopped going to places where I knew he would always be. That may seem drastic to some but that is what worked for me. I had to force myself to believe that there was life after him (which there is) and it took a really long time.
Though some of my friends’ advice did not work for me, it doesn’t mean that it can’t work for other people. Some of the most effective advice that I got came from blogs like this. This included blogs written by people who actually had firsthand experience with breakups and having to force themselves to move on.
My advice will not work for everyone but it will work for someone. This is the point of this blog, to help someone. How did you Spring Clean? And what advice do you have to offer anyone who is having a problem moving on?
I was going through my email and look what I found…I think I wrote this in December 2012 or January of this year.
“I don’t hate him. Sometimes I feel nothing. Those are the easy times, where I can think of him and not feel the hot tears burning to break free or the hatred bubbling in my heart. Those are the times when I’m at peace. Those are the times when I feel that there is hope for me. That I’m not completely jaded and that maybe, just maybe, I’ll meet another man who I’ll love that greatly and who will love me even more. Because I deserve to have that reciprocation. But then there are the times where I am so hard on myself. I don’t think I have forgiven myself and that’s a problem. I need to. That’s the only way I’ll ever have a shred of happiness again. Deep down I want him to be happy. I do, but I don’t want it to be at my expense. I don’t want to be the butt of a joke…his joke. I haven’t cried about him in a while so that’s a good sign. I blocked him and myself from calling or texting. Drastic…no. He said that he didn’t want to talk to me anymore basically saying he didn’t want me in his life. I gave him his wish. Now he can be happy.”