First Love

We were lying on his mom’s couch. The sense of comfort I felt in that house always warmed my heart. The movie we were watching had become a thing of the past. That was our thing. Spend the day together then cuddle in front of the TV. We had only been dating for a little while but it felt right. I nestled into his chest. He was just so warm. I always had to remind myself to breathe when I was around him. Everything just felt heightened. I’d never felt so safe or so smitten in my whole life. He kissed my forehead. Like a child, I giggled. It couldn’t get any better than this I thought, not at all. I was undeserving. “You gonna be my lady?” he asked looking into my eyes. It was like he unlocked every door and broke down every wall I had set up in my heart. He freed me. I was squealing on the inside. Intimacy is something I’d always wanted. After years of unrequited pining and silly childhood crushes, I was in the arms of a real man. A man who wasn’t rushing me to have sex; one who showed up when he said he would; one who respected me and treated me like I was the only thing that mattered. I was in love. I had found the man who would truly be my first, my first love, and first partner. The possibilities excited me. “Yes” I replied coming back from my reverie. The kiss that sealed our relationship could never be rivaled I thought. Little did I know that this was the beginning of a long road of heartbreak for me. Six years later, that night still haunts me because I have never been able to match that feeling and it hurts badly.

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