Lets be honest, breakups suck! It seems like your whole world has been shattered. You go through the motions of crying, feeling heartbroken, stuffing your face, wanting to chop your ex into pieces, the works! It hurts like hell and in those times of need, we turn to our friends to pick us up and help us through those trying times. Friends, how many of us have them? They make you laugh. They support you. They have your back no matter what and they tell you when you’re wro.. They give you good advi… Yes, I paused there because that is not always the case. Friends can be coddle monsters. Yes coddle monsters.
”Treat in an indulgent or overprotective way.” (New Oxford American Dictionary)
Being coddled is nice if you are an egg or say, a baby but not when you are a grown adult. As much as we love our friends, those coddle monsters tend to give the worst breakup advice. I decided to share some of these questionable pieces of advice with you.
1.Write a breakup Letter…then actually send it.
Put the pen down! Step away from the keyboard! ABORT MISSION! I have no problem with writing breakup letters or emotional vomit letters as I call them. I have a problem with actually sending them.Break up letters are meant for you. They are for your personal and private healing. It is not a chance for you to list the 500 ways your ex pissed you off. I am pretty sure you told your ex this in a series of text messages. The same text messages that probably got ignored. Trust me, as a person who wrote a breakup letter aka “things I should have said to my ex that I forgot to say in the heat of the moment,” sending it is a waste of time. I wrote the letter for me, made a copy, burned one and kept one to read down the line. Listen, when you read that letter a few weeks down the line, you are going to thank your lucky stars that you did not send it. More than likely, you will be way over the situation and realize that the person was not worth your perfect penmanship or your ability to type 50 words a minute.
2. Don’t unfollow your ex on social media
The devil is a LIE! I know many may disagree with me but why oh why would you continue to follow that heartbreaker on social media? A friend of mine sent me a meme of a man stating that he doesn’t unfollow his exes because he wants them to see how he is living. This is my problem with many people. We are so focused on flexing on our exes, we do not focus on the most important thing which is HEALING. If you’re okay with seeing that face on your timeline every day then, by all means, have at it but as part of my healing process, you need to be off of my social media buddy. I do not need to see your new lover, your selfie or your new shoes. Bye!
They say 2 wrongs don’t make a right and they never will. Getting revenge on an ex may seem like a good idea until you do it. Sleeping with their best friend, slashing tires, breaking windows or bleaching clothes, all sound so tempting. At the end of the day, it is only a temporary high. It doesn’t stop you from being miserable and most times, you end up just hating yourself.
4. “They’ll be back”
I am also guilty of saying these oh so famous post-breakup words to a friend. Did I believe it when I said them? Sometimes. Most times…not really. Being completely honest, when your friend and that no good individual break up, you are relieved. I always look at it as an opportunity for someone better to come into their lives or for them to just take some time to better themselves. I must admit it’s comforting to hear those words when you’re hurting over someone that you want to be with. The problem with those words is that it gives false hope. Instead of taking time to heal and eventually moving on, these words help us keep a door open just in case. How can you actually move on if that “just in case” door is open? Sadly, what if it’s one of the situations where they don’t come back? You’ll just be stuck.
Karma, where you at?
5. Wishing Karma on your ex
We are not perfect. If we were, I would not be writing this post. I am very guilty of this. When we get hurt or a friend gets hurt we are always so quick to say “Karma will handle it” or tell your ex directly that “Karma will get you.” Yes, Karma is a bitch but it is also a boomerang. The thing about boomerangs is that they always return to the person who threw it. Wishing karma on your ex every chance you get only makes you look miserable. It also disrupts the healing process because karma has no timeline. While you’re busy camping out waiting for karma to show up at your ex’s door, you need to be checking your door. Wishing misfortune on someone usually ends up bringing misfortune to the wisher.
6. Get under Someone New/ Start a new relationship
The only rebounds I know are on the basketball court! Just kidding. I know these two pieces of advice are not the same but it depends on how you view sex and its importance to you. Although we all love a good romp in the sheets (hey now!), a romp in the sheets with a broken heart doesn’t always end well. Sex tends to provide a temporary high to a broken heart. You forget all about it until that last pump and most times we regret the post break up sex. I don’t advise anyone to begin a series of casual sexcapades (with multiple partners) after a breakup but we all handle our bodies differently.
Starting a new relationship is also a no-no. Jumping from one serious relationship to another is not a great idea. In fact, it is a bad idea. Rebound relationships typically end with someone getting hurt. Breakups provide an opportunity to breathe, reinvent, heal and even reflect on why your previous relationship failed in the first place. Let your heart HEAL and when the time is right, you’ll find the person you’re meant to be with.
What are some of the worst break up advice that a friend has given to you? Please share with me. I am curious.